Questions to Motivate and Invite Cooperation

Have you ever felt frustrated that a child isn't listening to you? What does that really mean?

Generally what adults mean by this is that the child isn't following directions. Many adults expect children to "listen," but children need a model of what listening looks like, just like with anything else! What you might find in these scenarios is the adults themselves are talking, telling, or lecturing to get their point across or demand action, which may or may not result in short-term compliance.

Curiosity Questions place the emphasis on connecting and engaging with child to motivate and invite cooperation. Sometimes asking a question and listening can make all the difference. With this tool, children are encouraged to be active participants rather than being told what to do. They feel seen and listened to.

Here are a few examples of Curiosity Questions to try out:

This handy chart, and many others, are included in my group program Empowering Preschoolers. Group members have told me they love to print these out and stick them on the fridge!

Some of these questions do require prior knowledge for the child to have a clear understanding of what you are asking, i.e. the expectation. No one is a mind reader (really, isn't that good thing?) so you will need to take time to model, guide, and redirect the child throughout this process.

I know there are no perfect scripts that say just the right thing all of the time. What these provide are options, a little phrasing to try out to help you feel more confident in moments when you may feel furthest from it.

The best part about these little scripts is they serve as reminders as how it feels to express and/or hear these words. As one parent remarked, "It just sounds so much better to say it that way, and it FEELS so much better, too."

That’s the goal. For you to feel better, confident, more clear on how you want to continue building a positive relationship with the children in your care.